My nickname is Stone Cold Sarah. Why?
One time we lived in a little neighborhood and the family across the street suffered a terrible tragedy. One of their children passed away one morning and the mother was desperately trying to get help. NO ONE else was home on the street – but I was a stay-at-home mom with an infant. I was home. This young mother banged on our door and I instinctively grabbed the phone on my way to the door. I called 911 and then went to her house to try to help. Once the ambulance arrived I got out of the way – and returned home to my own children.
Later that night another neighbor asked me what the hell happened that morning – word had gotten around. Me, being a firm believer in stating the facts and not embellishing someone else’s story, briefly described what happened. Mouths dropped open. “You were THERE?” the neighbors said. How had I gone so long without telling everyone the gory details of the day’s tragedy?! Imagine someone respecting another person’s grief and privacy. The gall. But that is not why they made fun of me.
Another neighbor reported weeks later that they were incredulous that I showed no emotion when discussing “the facts” about a child’s death. “You were stone cold – like “hey a boy died and I called 911…” I found this amusing. Stone Cold Sarah had a new nickname.
Then, when I worked as a dog groomer, (accidental hobby that I discovered I was great at doing and could make good $$$) (YES I became certified – #INTJ) we would occasionally have a customer come in and cry because they lost one of their fur babies. The other groomers would always send ME out to “handle the grief”. Apparently these other groomers would break down and cry alongside the client and things would get messy. I would listen attentively, nod appropriately, patiently wait for the tears to subside and then politely ask, “So are we doing the puppy cut on Fifi this time or the Teddy Face?” Life would go on. Stone Cold Sarah.
I won’t bore you with other stories of my robot ways – but I will say that sometimes I have the unfortunate reaction of laughing when something bad happens (this was NOT the case with the child). This is a reaction and it is called the pseudobulbar effect and it is a real thing. So there have been times when someone fell or got hurt and I laughed. I could not control it. Which adds to the whole insensitive / cold thing. So yeah.
INTJ’s are not insensitive and cold. They feel more deeply than other types and are extremely protective and passionate about those people they deem their innermost circle. However, we do NOT waste energy and time on reactions and melodramatic behavior. It bleeds our souls dry to put out that much energy on emotional reactions. We save up for the important moments – when life will demand our emotions. We may seem a bit dry, a bit guarded, a bit automated. That can be a great thing – to have someone “strong” enough to handle intense situations without getting too messy. I rather like it. I am pretty low-maintenance after all.
Remember that your local INTJs are full of love and deep (deeeeeeeep Challenger Deep) emotions and they are safe, where others cannot use and abuse them. Rationality and Practicality Reign – at least until our favorite fictional character dies unexpectedly or our favorite chocolate coffee drink gets discontinued. Then you might witness an INTJ make a face. If you are one of the Chosen Ones in an INTJ’s life, then you are blessed because INTJ Loyalty is wicked fierce and so is their love and protection.